ARE WE DONE YET???

For real, this is my daily question… “Are we done yet?” Not with parenting. But with documents. And obeying an orphanage director’s ever-changing visiting schedule. And with a hotel room.  And with being away from home.  And with not having any Charmin (sometimes it’s the little things that send you right over the edge).  We are getting close, I tell you.  In just about 2 hours, Rod and Jarrod will be back here with me (YAY!!!!) to finalize our adoption.  We seriously think we could be home in less than 2 weeks.  Last night I asked the Lord once again for quickness and smoothness of the remainder of the process, because such an answer would mean that all 8 Smiths could be at Burnt Hickory Baptist Church together in just TWO Sundays!! If that were to happen, oh my word! Remember that time in Scripture in 2 Samuel when David was dancing before the Lord with all his might, and then Saul’s daughter got herself all in a lather over it, and then David said (2 Samuel 6:21b-22) “I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this…” Just a heads up…. THAT WILL BE ME!!!

BUT… I also remember that I asked the Lord for a release from the 10 day waiting period after court so we could get our kids out of the orphanage and home much sooner. That was not God’s plan. And, as I look back, I am so grateful.  Because sometimes the most growth and the most learning and the most surrender comes in the hardest days.  I needed to be still for awhile before we went home. I needed to stop the whirlwind of in-country process before the whirlwind of West Cobb living. I needed to hang out with my kids while not having any other responsibility but to hang out with my kids. I needed to look in Evan’s eyes a lot. Nicholas and AnnaBelle are not afraid to come to America. They have lived with us before. But Evan needed time.  He needed to ask a lot of questions and settle some things in his heart.  Not that he told me all that, but I saw it in his eyes because God did not answer my prayer to “hurry this thing up”.  SO, we will be home in God’s timing. And it will be utter perfection.

Which brings me to something I’ve wanted to say on all the blogs so far, but haven’t known quite how.  I just typed “Coming home will be utter perfection.”  No doubt.  But it will be utter perfection because it is utterly God’s plan for our family. Not because it has been easy. And certainly not because it will be easy at home.  We ALL have a whopper of a journey ahead of us.  Can I just re-emphasize for a minute that we do not want to paint the picture that adoption is easy.  We have some cute pictures (ok, the pics are beyond precious). We have some hilarious stories.  We are so so  humbled and thrilled.  We are hopelessly in love with our new kids.  But I want to be honest enough to say that the process is difficult in every way.  It is stressful and it is heart wrenching and it is invasive and it is time consuming and it is expensive and it is terrifying at times.  And that is before you ever get to the orphanage.  After that, every moment has to be surrendered to the Lord.  Then, we come home.  And we become a family to precious ones that have never had a family.  Ever. I struggle with being too honest because I long for more children to be adopted.  If you ever go to an orphanage, you will long for the same thing.  I desperately want for other believers to get up off the couch and go rescue these wounded little ones.  And then I struggle with painting nothing but a rosy picture, because I now know that adoption is for those whom God has called.  I will tell you that I do believe more are called than are answering.  Not to toot the Smith horn, because we should have done this a long time ago.  I have had to confess that to our oldest three kids.  As I watch them have such willing hearts to go to the “hard places” in ministry, and as I watch them participate in things such as Passion 2012, where students are laying down their lives for the cause of Christ, I am moved beyond words in my heart.  But here is the thing: Rod and I desperately want to be the ones leading our kids, not the other way around.  I don’t want my kids or their friends having to show me what a surrendered life looks like.  I want to be the example for them.  Psalms talks about “one generation declaring to the next”, not the other way around.  Rod and I want to “live out loud”.  And we want our kids too, as well.  And, again, it is not easy. Because I don’t know where God will call them.  But if I’m going to stand next to them in church and sing “Wherever He leads, I’ll go”, then I best better mean it. For us and for them. Preaching a sermon to myself here. Not y’all.

While here, I am reading “Sun Stand Still” by Steven Furtick.  Here is some of what I read…..

"You don't have to settle for the mundane. You can participate in the miraculous....You don't get to participate in a high calling without paying a high cost.... Effecting change in the world is rarely accidental. It's a result of intention and focus.... You will pay a tremendous price to operate in an audacious anointing. And the level of your impact will be directly proportional to the price you are willing to pay... When you ask God to do the impossible, He usually instructs you to do something uncomfortable. And inconvenient. Salvation is free. Obedience can be very costly."  How will God accomplish the impossible vision He has planted in your heart? By His grace -- and through your willingness to sacrifice your life for the sake of Jesus.... When you really understand God's work in you, your natural desire will be to surrender your life to Him.   And before God can do an impossible work in your world, you need to let Him do a deep work in your heart."

Wow.  Much work to do, Lisa Smith.  Much work to do.

WHATEVER IT TAKES

Before you are pregnant with your first child, you wonder how long it will take before you will really love that little one with all your being.  Then, the day comes when you discover that you are carrying that little one and you realize almost immediately that you are hopelessly in love.  Every parental emotion and thought and fierce protectiveness kicks in on behalf of your gift from God.  Just so you know, same with adoption.  Because God has known before I was ever thought of that I would be the adoptive Mom to my 3 new ones, He was wise enough and perfect enough and loving enough to prepare my heart IN ADVANCE.  I love all my kids like crazy, because He first loved me like crazy. In court, the judge asked me if I had plans to treat all my children the same.  Good question, I guess, but one that was seriously not needed.  Not because I’m “all that and a bag of chips”, but because of Jesus.  To borrow words from our new friend, Matt, that we met for about 15 minutes at our first court appointment “You may not have known it, but I am a miracle, too.  For God has brought a self-centered, prideful, piece of crap over to Ukraine to shower this boundless love I have received onto another.  I am the recipient.  I am the rescued.  I am the loved.  I am the adopted.”  God confirmed that “Mom-love” just yesterday when I was at the orphanage to pick up my kids for popcorn and cartoons.  One of the kids was moving a little slow at getting a coat and shoes, so an adult at the orphanage used a tone of voice with MY child that did not sit well with me.  I am telling you, my insides were immediately boiling.  I seriously thought about going totally Chuck Norris on her, but I feel like that would not have gone well at all.  I am so grateful that God had a grip on me at that moment.  I digressed only slightly when she left.  I told Roma, our translator, that that woman was in serious need of some chocolate.  Later, I realized that although I was not pleased that someone spoke to my child like that, it was the same feeling for my new child that I always got for my older three when someone did them wrong. (I used to imagine in my head all the things I would say as I marched onto the ball field every time an over-bearing coach spoke in a rude tone to one of my boys. I never did that, either.  I just imagined it.)  Same feeling yesterday.  Ugly feeling, but confirmation that God has given me a love and a protective fierceness for all of them.  Let that be fair warning to you…. Just kidding!! Sort of.

For the last 4 days, and for the next 7 days, I am in Ukraine by myself.  Well, not literally by myself.  All the Ukrainians are here, and our facilitator is here at the hotel, and I see my new kids every day.  But Rod and Jarrod have gone home to work.  Parker and Logan left the end of December.  Much of the time, I am alone.  Free to stream in to Passion 2012 and be a “part of” what Logan and Parker experienced this week.  Free to search Scripture without interruption.  Free to spend 2 hours at a time on Pinterest  if I want to.  Free to creep on all my Burnt Hickory students and former students on Facebook (yeah, I’m doing it).  Free to consider how to go about raising kids that have had no parenting at all.  Free to freak out after I consider how we are going to go about raising those kids.  Free to eat a second piece of Ukrainian chocolate without being judged or noticed.  Mostly, the hours and hours of silence are allowing me to soak in all that has happened in the last year.  Today, the kids and I looked at pictures from Christmas morning 2010.  I was reminiscing.  I seriously think the kids were just trying to get an idea of how much loot a Smith kid might get for Christmas.  A year ago, on Christmas morning, we had no idea what God had in store for us.  No idea that the next Christmas day would be spent in a tiny Ukrainian hotel room just waiting to receive a court date to adopt three more kids.  It makes me wonder where he longs to take us in the next year.  Will we be available?  Will the desire of our hearts be His Name and His renown? It’s the longing of my soul that wherever He leads, we will go.  John Piper said at Passion 2012 “I exist to put God’s infinite value on display.”  Am I living each day like that? Have I raised my oldest 3 to live like that?  Are they chasing ease and comfort, or Jesus? Living in West Cobb is such a sweet blessing, but I don’t want the suburbs to “kill my heart and soul” (shout out for all you Ben Rector fans).  I’m mulling over all of this stuff while I am alone.  They say hindsight is 20/20. So when you get a second litter of kids, you also have some hindsight, I think.  SO, in hindsight, Rod and I have come to some parental conclusions for our family.  For real, much of the time we still have no idea what we are doing, so this is not advice or lessons or a debate topic or anything.  It’s just Smith stuff:  1) Church is not optional.  It wasn’t with the first litter.  It won’t be this time, either. If you would like to eat and sleep at the Smith home, you are a part of the life of the church. Life Group, camps, mission trips, service opportunities, Wednesday nights, you name it. If you don’t feel comfortable or loved or accepted or entertained there, then hop up off your booty and go reach out and love someone else and comfort someone else and accept someone else at church.  Oh, golly, I almost started a sermon.  Sorry.  2) Do your best at everything you do, but you don’t have to be the best at everything you do.  Our love and pride in you has nothing to do with your performance.  3) Character is everything  4) First and second litter will always have hearts and minds and eyes that are carefully guarded until you are old enough to make such monumental decisions on your own. We will fight for your purity.  No apologies from us on that one. 5) You belong to Jesus, not us.  Easy preaching, but not easy living.  You exist for His glory, not ours.  If God calls you, and I am afraid, then I must deal with my fear on my knees.  May our fear never be the thing that holds you back from carrying His Name into all the world.  And next door.  6) Invite your friends over all the time.  Nothing more fun than a full, noisy dinner table.  A quiet house isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  We learned that the first time around.  Welp, that’s about it for right now.  No idea why I just blogged the stuff rolling around in my head.  That’s the very thing I was afraid I would do when I first started this thing.  As we parent Evan and Nick and AnnaBelle, the cry of my heart is that we will be willing enough and courageous enough to do “whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, to restore broken lives.” (Also stolen from Passion 2012). Thank you for standing with us.

REFLECTING ON "GOTCHA DAY"

Lots of folks who have adopted call the official adoption court date “Gotcha Day”.  Our family’s Gotcha Day for Evan, Nick, and AnnaBelle was yesterday.  JANUARY 4, 2012.  From now on, we will always have a celebration on January 4.  My vote is that we make it a tradition to celebrate Gotcha Day somewhere in the Caribbean. 

If you are wondering if we were nervous before our court hearing yesterday, the answer is YES.  Our court time was 1:30 pm, so we had all morning to anticipate and rehearse and re-rehearse the petitions and obligations we were to have memorized for the judge.  We practiced them in the bathroom.  We practiced them while putting on makeup (me, not Rod).  We practiced them in the taxi.  We practiced them in the courthouse lobby.  Poor Roma kept saying “Relax.  Please relax”.  Seriously, Roma??? We are about to march our almost 50 year old selves into a Ukrainian courtroom and ask a judge if we could please be the parents of 3 more kids and you want us to relax?  Rod paced.  A lot.  I just kept saying “I think I am about to throw up…. Please give me a drink of water…. No, don’t give me a drink of water.  I’ll have to go to the bathroom during court…. Please give me a drink of water.  I’m about to throw up.”  And, once again, I am not making any of this up.  Finally, we were all called into the court room.  Honestly, it was a relief to just be in there and realize that it was really happening and soon we would have our answer.  And it’s a darn good thing I didn’t drink too much of that water, because the hearing lasted nearly 3 hours.  All of the judge’s questions to us had to be translated, of course.  I have never been questioned so much in my life.  We were both questioned on basic information about ourselves and our community and our church and our home.  Then she questioned Rod about everything from his job to why he chose to adopt from Ukraine to how he planned on teaching the kids English.  He was questioned for a very long time.  She questioned me for what seemed like forever on such things as our marriage, the possibility of divorce (Um, no), if I planned on treating all my children the same, why I wanted to be their mother, and if I am healthy enough to adopt them.  I am telling you, the only thing she did not ask me was the number of scarves I brought on this very very long trip.  I could have answered that.  Then the kids were brought in one by one.  They were nervous, too.  Each answered their questions so politely.  I was so proud.  And each answered “yes” when asked if they wanted to be adopted by us and be in our family forever.  My heart swelled and I was so humbled.  Cutest moment of court was when the judge asked Nicholas if he was confident he would be able to learn English.  He answered “I already know it.” (He has about 200 English words).  The kids were taken away and the judge and jurors recessed for their decision.  Rod wanted to pace, but Roma said we had to stand in our places until the judge returned.  When she came back in, she gave her speech and the court’s decision.  In Ukrainian.  Rod and I both were straining to hear Roma as he quietly interpreted for us in English.  We were so busy trying to figure out what was going on, that bursting into tears was not even an option.  It was really really surreal.  Once we received and understood the verdict, we thanked Jesus, hugged and kissed, and then fist bumped.  It’s how we roll.  We only had 3 or 4 minutes with the kids afterwards for hugs and kisses and saying their new names over and over.  I was officially their Mom, and I HATED leaving them in the orphanage yesterday.  It’s not that I’ve ever liked leaving them there, but now I am leaving MY children there.  They have 10 more days until they live with us.  I didn’t like leaving them at the orphanage today, either.  But I deal with it by reminding myself that they are no longer orphans.  And then I go back to the hotel and lie down and rest, because I have no idea when I will do that again after these 10 days are up!

SO…… Rod and I have SIX kids.  For some reason, I get the biggest kick out of saying that.  I can’t wait for that “casual conversation” moment with someone when I am asked “How many kids do you have?” And I can casually say SIX.  I’ll say it real non-chalantly, like those really organized- and together- Moms do.  Maybe I’ll follow it up with a comment about needing to go run my usual 15 miles before I get dinner on the table for the kids and our dinner guests.  Is that wrong????

We are grateful for this God-sized journey ahead of us.  We are grateful that God is bigger and more Sovereign and more powerful than the grim statistics we were given when we got here.  We are grateful for the tons of you that have sent us messages of encouragement.  We are grateful for your praying and for the power of prayer.  We are grateful for our 3 oldest sons and their selflessness in this entire thing.  Their spiritual maturity in our family decision has been the sweetest blessing to Rod and me.  We are grateful for friends and family who have come alongside us and volunteered to do so many behind-the scenes things for us while we are gone.  And we are grateful that our 3 newest children are so unbelievably courageous to jump in with both feet.  They are way more courageous in this than we are.

RANDOM STUFF IN MY HEAD

Seriously, the random thoughts won’t stop.  I lay down to sleep and they run rampant in my head.  Randomness is not unusual for me.  Neither is a thought from left field.  But random thoughts about bringing home 3 new children who have never had a stable home and who do not speak English are new to me.  And the random thoughts keep multiplying.  You would think that the longer I think, the more decisions I would make, causing the list of random thoughts to get shorter.  Not so.  The thoughts keep on coming.  In a matter of a couple of minutes yesterday, I had mulled over school decisions, which gym to take Evan to, where to buy him new clothes, teaching purity, and whether or not to take AnnaBelle to get her ears pierced soon.  And that was in a noisy restaurant.  It’s even worse in our quiet hotel room.  Rod can just keep on reading from his Kindle and Jarrod keeps on playing Tetris, as if all these massive decisions don’t need to be made.  That leaves me to have no other option but to eat yet another piece of Ukrainian chocolate (which is outrageously good) and stew over my thoughts. 

Here is some stuff we need:  Young visitors in our home.  All you BHBC students who pop in and out of our house all the time, PLEASE KEEP COMING OVER!!!!  You and your passion for Jesus are needed at the Smith ranch.  I’ll feed you.  As always, no need to knock or wait for some sort of formal, engraved invitation.  Just come on over.  We will kick you out if we get sleepyJ.   Here is another thing:  Info on children’s choir and the like.  It’s been a long, long time since we considered such things.  Also, where do you get American Girl dolls?  Seems like we need one of those.  AND, we would just be downright thrilled if some of my student ministry high school guys would just bring my son, Evan, along with you some.  Unless, you are being a goober and you are out doing shenanigans.  If you are, I love you.  We just don’t need help in that department.

Here is something else.  Not a material need or anything like that.  Just wanted to share some parental decisions we have made while on this journey.  Please know that I type these words carefully because I am trying not to goof them up.  Here’s the thing: our new kids have a story.  Really, we all do.  But our kids’ story is a difficult one.  We won’t be sharing it.  Our hearts tell us that their story is theirs to share when they are ready and with whom they choose.  It may be soon or it may take a long time.  Either way, we want them to know that we hold their lives close to our hearts and that in every possible way, we will protect them.  We are so, so grateful for the many people God has sent to us to pray for us, stand with us, encourage us.  Thank you for continuing to pray for us even if you don’t know the particulars.  You are a treasure to us.

On a light-hearted note, here is some stuff we are really missing right now:  Peppermint mochas, corporate worship in English, our mattress, Chick Fil A, hot wings, the ability to wash our underwear in the washing machine rather than by hand, driving, smooth roads, having more than one room to live in, warmth, friends and family, Southern English speakers, HGTV (Lisa), work (Rod), Sophie and Sadie, Burnt Hickory Baptist Church, going somewhere without a taxi driver, people who smile when you pass them on the street, the sun, real food (Jarrod), Target, Charmin, people who get excited when it snows, fitted sheets.  

BUT, here are some things we are loving:  Pastor Igor and his wife Lena.  We have been welcomed with open arms into their church and into their home for Sunday lunch.  This precious couple and their children are amazing and have made us feel like a part of their lives.  Lena makes incredible borscht (I didn’t even know those two words could go together), and every time they open their mouths, they speak of God’s goodness and faithfulness.  We are also beyond grateful for our new friends Pasha and Sveta.  They live around the corner from the hotel and we will be eating dinner with them for the second time tonight.  This precious couple has two young daughters named Katya and Vika who sang and played piano for us at our last visit.  They also welcomed us into their home, shared their delicious food with us, and have made us feel like family.  They love the Lord and live such faithful lives.  Ilona and Rimma began welcoming us a long time ago through messages on facebook.  They have known and loved our children and have been sharing Christ with them for a long time.  You can’t imagine how wonderful it felt when we got to this very unfamiliar place and had these two adorable ladies hug us and rejoice with us and tell us how much they loved us.  I wish they could come home with us.  Really.  And then there is Marina.  Marina works at Sweet House.  Sweet House is one of our very few restaurant choices here.  We eat there a LOT.  Marina remembered seeing Rod at church and approached us at the restaurant because she wanted us to know that she had Jesus in her heart.  It was the first thing she told me about herself.  (Let’s all read that last sentence again and chew on it for awhile).  Marina delivered our room service dinner to us last night because we had been advised to not be out and about on New Year’s Eve.  She visited with us for a little while, and while working on her English, she told us about holding Nicholas in her arms when he was little because he looked like he needed to be held.  I didn’t get to hold Evan or Nick or AnnaBelle in my arms when they were little.  And there is no question that they were in need of a mother’s arms.  God sent Marina and others to wrap them up in His care.  Amazing.  Anyway, at midnight last night, there was a knock on our door.  There stood sweet Marina with a plate full of New Year’s goodies for us.  Then there is Roma.  Roma is our facilitator and translator.  God bless Roma.  He has done all our paperwork, translated to the kids, spoken to the orphanage director, the judge, the government officials, the taxi drivers, the waitresses, the hotel staff, the grocery store clerks, and the guy at the store who sold me a new hairdryer when I blew mine up the first day here.  Roma speaks on our behalf in every single situation we are in.  Grateful doesn’t even begin to describe itJ

All that said, we are ready to come home.  Really ready.  But it is not time yet.  More to do.  More to learn.  Thank you for praying.  Court is Wednesday at 1:30 pm (6:30 am at home).  It’s a really big day in need of a really big God.  “Who is this King of Glory? The Lord, strong and mighty, the Lord mighty in battle.” Psalm 24:8