WHATEVER IT TAKES

Before you are pregnant with your first child, you wonder how long it will take before you will really love that little one with all your being.  Then, the day comes when you discover that you are carrying that little one and you realize almost immediately that you are hopelessly in love.  Every parental emotion and thought and fierce protectiveness kicks in on behalf of your gift from God.  Just so you know, same with adoption.  Because God has known before I was ever thought of that I would be the adoptive Mom to my 3 new ones, He was wise enough and perfect enough and loving enough to prepare my heart IN ADVANCE.  I love all my kids like crazy, because He first loved me like crazy. In court, the judge asked me if I had plans to treat all my children the same.  Good question, I guess, but one that was seriously not needed.  Not because I’m “all that and a bag of chips”, but because of Jesus.  To borrow words from our new friend, Matt, that we met for about 15 minutes at our first court appointment “You may not have known it, but I am a miracle, too.  For God has brought a self-centered, prideful, piece of crap over to Ukraine to shower this boundless love I have received onto another.  I am the recipient.  I am the rescued.  I am the loved.  I am the adopted.”  God confirmed that “Mom-love” just yesterday when I was at the orphanage to pick up my kids for popcorn and cartoons.  One of the kids was moving a little slow at getting a coat and shoes, so an adult at the orphanage used a tone of voice with MY child that did not sit well with me.  I am telling you, my insides were immediately boiling.  I seriously thought about going totally Chuck Norris on her, but I feel like that would not have gone well at all.  I am so grateful that God had a grip on me at that moment.  I digressed only slightly when she left.  I told Roma, our translator, that that woman was in serious need of some chocolate.  Later, I realized that although I was not pleased that someone spoke to my child like that, it was the same feeling for my new child that I always got for my older three when someone did them wrong. (I used to imagine in my head all the things I would say as I marched onto the ball field every time an over-bearing coach spoke in a rude tone to one of my boys. I never did that, either.  I just imagined it.)  Same feeling yesterday.  Ugly feeling, but confirmation that God has given me a love and a protective fierceness for all of them.  Let that be fair warning to you…. Just kidding!! Sort of.

For the last 4 days, and for the next 7 days, I am in Ukraine by myself.  Well, not literally by myself.  All the Ukrainians are here, and our facilitator is here at the hotel, and I see my new kids every day.  But Rod and Jarrod have gone home to work.  Parker and Logan left the end of December.  Much of the time, I am alone.  Free to stream in to Passion 2012 and be a “part of” what Logan and Parker experienced this week.  Free to search Scripture without interruption.  Free to spend 2 hours at a time on Pinterest  if I want to.  Free to creep on all my Burnt Hickory students and former students on Facebook (yeah, I’m doing it).  Free to consider how to go about raising kids that have had no parenting at all.  Free to freak out after I consider how we are going to go about raising those kids.  Free to eat a second piece of Ukrainian chocolate without being judged or noticed.  Mostly, the hours and hours of silence are allowing me to soak in all that has happened in the last year.  Today, the kids and I looked at pictures from Christmas morning 2010.  I was reminiscing.  I seriously think the kids were just trying to get an idea of how much loot a Smith kid might get for Christmas.  A year ago, on Christmas morning, we had no idea what God had in store for us.  No idea that the next Christmas day would be spent in a tiny Ukrainian hotel room just waiting to receive a court date to adopt three more kids.  It makes me wonder where he longs to take us in the next year.  Will we be available?  Will the desire of our hearts be His Name and His renown? It’s the longing of my soul that wherever He leads, we will go.  John Piper said at Passion 2012 “I exist to put God’s infinite value on display.”  Am I living each day like that? Have I raised my oldest 3 to live like that?  Are they chasing ease and comfort, or Jesus? Living in West Cobb is such a sweet blessing, but I don’t want the suburbs to “kill my heart and soul” (shout out for all you Ben Rector fans).  I’m mulling over all of this stuff while I am alone.  They say hindsight is 20/20. So when you get a second litter of kids, you also have some hindsight, I think.  SO, in hindsight, Rod and I have come to some parental conclusions for our family.  For real, much of the time we still have no idea what we are doing, so this is not advice or lessons or a debate topic or anything.  It’s just Smith stuff:  1) Church is not optional.  It wasn’t with the first litter.  It won’t be this time, either. If you would like to eat and sleep at the Smith home, you are a part of the life of the church. Life Group, camps, mission trips, service opportunities, Wednesday nights, you name it. If you don’t feel comfortable or loved or accepted or entertained there, then hop up off your booty and go reach out and love someone else and comfort someone else and accept someone else at church.  Oh, golly, I almost started a sermon.  Sorry.  2) Do your best at everything you do, but you don’t have to be the best at everything you do.  Our love and pride in you has nothing to do with your performance.  3) Character is everything  4) First and second litter will always have hearts and minds and eyes that are carefully guarded until you are old enough to make such monumental decisions on your own. We will fight for your purity.  No apologies from us on that one. 5) You belong to Jesus, not us.  Easy preaching, but not easy living.  You exist for His glory, not ours.  If God calls you, and I am afraid, then I must deal with my fear on my knees.  May our fear never be the thing that holds you back from carrying His Name into all the world.  And next door.  6) Invite your friends over all the time.  Nothing more fun than a full, noisy dinner table.  A quiet house isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  We learned that the first time around.  Welp, that’s about it for right now.  No idea why I just blogged the stuff rolling around in my head.  That’s the very thing I was afraid I would do when I first started this thing.  As we parent Evan and Nick and AnnaBelle, the cry of my heart is that we will be willing enough and courageous enough to do “whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, to restore broken lives.” (Also stolen from Passion 2012). Thank you for standing with us.