GOING CRAZY

You are more than welcome to take this particular blog title exactly how you want to.  I’m pretty sure that however you take it, whatever you are thinking, you are right.  There is a point somewhere in every 24 hour period that I’m certain I’m on the crazy train.  Yesterday it happened when just about the time I realized I will be 50 (grandma age) in 30 days, Evan brought in a new prized frog that had a severe peeing problem, the dog threw up on the couch, I discovered with my nose that onions had rotted in the back of the pantry, I tried my hand at giving Parker a haircut (something I have never done before), welcomed my sister in law in the door to fix the mess I made of Parker’s hair, and hugged Jarrod as he told me that even though he was on day 10 of meds for his pneumonia, he felt horrible. That was yesterday.  Don’t even get me started on a couple of days ago when things took a sour turn (meaning that we asked for a few chores to get done) and we were

promptly informed that America is sucky, our house is sucky and Rod and I are sucky.  Neither Rod nor I knew that this particular Smith even knew that English

word, much less had the ability to use it properly in an ongoing sentence.  Unfortunately, in the events of the afternoon, it was several hours before Rod and I realized the English progression that had taken place. 

This morning, I started reading “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan again.  I first read it 4 years ago.  I sat on my bed with my coffee with my jaw dropped as I re-read some things I had read and underlined before.  Before….  Before Smiths went to Belize, Australia, Guatemala, Ukraine, Eleuthera Bahamas, and an unreached people group in the jungles of Nicaragua to share Jesus.  Before we really understood that a surrendered life meant surrendering our kids completely for such trips for His calling and His glory.  Before we came face to face with the reality that being parents was not about us.  Before we hit empty nest life.  Before we accepted that, for us, a chilled out and self-focused empty nest was not okay. Or obedient…. Here is a bit of what I read this morning:

**“To just read the Bible, attend church, and avoid ‘big’ sins – is this passionate, wholehearted love for God?”**

**”…we have an inaccurate view of God.  We see Him as a benevolent Being who is satisfied when people manage to fit Him into their lives in some small way.”**

**”The point of your life is to point to Him.”**

**”People who are obsessed with Jesus give freely and openly, without censure.  Obsessed people love those who hate them and who can never love them back.”**

**” Lukewarm people are moved by stories about people who do radical things for Christ, yet they do not act.  They assume such action is for ‘extreme’ Christians, not average ones.  Lukewarm people call ‘radical’ what Jesus expected of all of His followers.”**

And how about this little ditty from Chris Tomlin in the forward of Crazy Love: “…but to sacrifice your own comfort and welfare for another may look like madness to a safe and undisturbed world.”

These things from a book called “Crazy Love”, which led me to remember a youth camp years ago that I chaperoned where the speaker was speaking from Hebrews 11:8-9 “BY FAITH Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, OBEYED AND WENT, EVEN THOUGH HE DID NOT KNOW WHERE HE WAS GOING.”  That was July 22, 2003 at Superwow.  I wrote in my Bible that night “Lord, give me a crazy kind of faith.”

So this morning I ponder (I love that word. Jarrod just glanced over my shoulder and said “Now THAT is a fun word we don’t use enough) what would a “crazy kind of love” and a “crazy kind of faith” all mixed up together look like?  If the Smiths got crazy obedient, would people think we were crazy? Would we care? And even more personal and in my face, will I keep on loving like crazy if I keep on being called a sucky Mom? That’s how Jesus loves me. Will we allow Him to carry us further still in this new season of loving and ministering to orphans? What if that means crazier days? What if almost everyone we know begins to ask “Are you crazy? Have you lost your minds?” Remember that crazy two months  (before we got restless) Rod and I spent in Empty Nest Land where we did absolutely nothing of any significance because we were busy doing nothing and talking about cruises and weeks on end at the beach and maybe even buying a jeep for 2 people to ride around in and look middle-age cool while at the beach??  FOR US, those were the two months people should have been saying to us “Are you crazy? Have you lost your minds? The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.”

Signing off with a word from The Word that both challenges and scares me.  It excites me and makes me feel a bit tired. But it is awesome truth that I long for Rod and me to live by. Paul writes to the Corinthians in 2 Cor. 5:13-17 “IF WE ARE OUT OF OUR MIND (!), it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ’s love compels us, because WE ARE CONVINCED that One died for all, and therefore all died.  And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has GONE, the new has come!”  CRAZY!!!!

THREE MONTHS IN....

It's so hard to believe that we have been home for three months.  You would think that in three months time, we would have gotten ourselves back into a routine and caught up on all the undone stuff.  Not true. Apparently, when you go from 3 to 6 kids, things get chaotic.  So chaotic that neither Rod nor I have seen a television show since we got home.  Not one. I haven't finished one book, finished a single to-do list (which I make every day), gotten to the bottom of the laundry pile, put away winter clothes, or gone through stacks of paperwork that have been on my desk for all three months.  Every day is still an adventure and every night, we still collapse into bed and wonder where the day went.  But not once have we gone to bed at night and questioned whether or not we were called to this life.  God confirmed it to us in advance, and He is still confirming it to us.  Once again, I struggle with the blog, because I want it to be honest and helpful and authentic. I don't want to gloss over the very difficult days, because some of them are doozies.  On the other hand, I don't believe that the details of those difficult days are to be shared on the stinkin world wide web.  Goodness knows I don't want MY less than attractive behaviors published for folks to read and talk about. So I won't do that to my kids.  Somewhere in there, though, I long to tell the truth of adoption to encourage people to open their hearts and their homes to the fatherless as God impresses them to do so.  When He fuels a passion in you for adoption, you can't ignore it. You can't not adopt. He strengthens you for days that you have read about, but cannot imagine living through. You can't stop thinking about all the others. You are drawn to the lists of pictures, the stories of your children's friends you met in the orphanage. Several times, Evan and Nick have asked Rod to tell some friends of ours who plan to adopt to please go to their orphanage in Ukraine and get their friend. He needs a home.  And there are 143 million others like him. And it seems like you are always thinking that you could do more, give more, adopt more, tell more people.  That's what happens when God rocks your world about orphans. It's so crazy to realize that this time last year - Easter weekend - our family of 5 was sitting in Taco Mac making this massive decision together to pursue adoption. At the time we had no idea who or how many or from where.  We didn't know the process or the cost or the timetable. And we absolutely had no idea what was about to happen to our hearts.

Three months in, the most frequently asked question, by far, is "So how is everyone adjusting?" Rod and I have no idea how to answer that question. It depends on the day, really. Usually, we answer by saying "Most days are three steps forward and two steps back. Some days, it's the other way around." Everyone's English improves every single day.  Not everyone is happy to be here every day. If we think "Oh, they will love this", they don't. They are brave and industrious and curious and cautious and terrified and wounded and relieved and joyful and sad and angry and grateful and homesick. And all those feelings are so mixed up together and show up so unpredictably that we never know what the day is going to look like or how a new event is going to turn out.  All kinds of things can trigger awful memories that they are not ready to talk about or acknowledge, leaving us to wonder what our precious children have endured. They share things as they are ready, and each time, our hearts are broken all over again.  Truthfully, I wasn't prepared to have to work through forgiving those who have wronged my children.  People I have never met. People who have very likely also been wounded and wronged themselves.  One thing I am learning.... I am not The Healer. I am the Mom. I have been called to be the Mother and let the Lord be The Healer.  He alone is able to bind up wounds and heal the broken hearted.  I am not The Rescuer. He is. I am not my children's Redeemer or Strong Tower.  Our daily, fervent prayer is that soon our children will begin to long for The Savior, and in faith and surrender, will begin to allow Him to heal and redeem as only He can.  My heart swells with joy and anticipation when I take time to imagine what each of them might look like with a healed, redeemed life.

Bottom line:  At this point in the journey, our family is settling in. Love is increasing. So is grace. And trust. And laughter. Some really, really funny stuff happens at our house every single day. Just yesterday, I had to stop Nick because he was brushing the dog with his toothbrush.  I told him that was gross.  His response?? "Why, Mom?" Are you kidding me??? Or when AnnaBelle closed her finger in the car door and later told Nick "Nick, look at my boobie." Nick started yelling and covering his eyes.  I had to quickly intervene on that one and explain that she meant to say "boo boo".  A completely different thing. And I won't even go into this morning's conversation in the car, when Rod overheard Nick explaining to AnnaBelle how I became their Mom through documents, but Jarrod, Logan, and Parker got here another way. Then he went into the details as he thought them to be. They are forever asking what certain English words mean.  Some are easy to explain.  Others, like "because" and "stuff" are a bit tougher.  They still cannot for the life of them figure out what the big deal about showering is. Once a week has kept them alive all these years. Why change a good thing? We finally had to get blunt with one unnamed Smith and say "You smell like an elephant." As a side note to that, they don't say the word "elephant"'.  They say "NFL". We are learning to rejoice in baby steps and small victories.  Much is left to do. And much of what needs to be done will require the miraculous. The wounds that orphans carry are deep and very, very painful. You know that much has been taken from them when they still hide their prized possessions under their pillow, and waiting in car line at school more than 5 minutes causes sheer panic that I am not coming to get them this time. Too many people have lied to them, abused them, left them.  Their scars are visible and invisible.  The memories of each of them are very vivid and heart breaking. And we know that there are so many more stories that they don't dare tell us yet. Truly, they have no idea how to cope or respond to their fear and pain.  They know how to survive.  So even now, when something unpleasant or uncomfortable happens, their instinct is to go to survival mode. In so many ways, they are like overgrown toddlers.  Same attention span, same lack of ability to handle change, same need for 24/7 attention, same lack of reasoning skills, no filter when it comes to speaking their mind, and a certainty that no one else should ever be taken into account.  It is all about them  Whatever it takes.  This is what happens when children are not raised.  They seem to miss out on most major growth milestones and important teaching and training. Good thing God is more than able to heal the brokenness.  And it's a darn good thing that His mercies are new every morning, because some days we really do ask God what in the world He has asked of us.  In the end, I still get the biggest tickle out of saying I've got 6 kids.  And, as another side note, they are ALL our kids.  It makes me nearly hyperventilate when someone refers to the older 3 as "our own kids" and the newer 3 as "the others" or whatever.  I also about croak when we are asked about their very difficult story while they are standing there or if we are encouraged to "go get some counseling" while our kids are standing there. Not to sound like someone freaking out on facebook or something, but may I gently and with great conviction say that all 6 kids are our own kids. All 6 kids know and agree that they are all our own kids. None of them are borrowed. Just yesterday, one of them asked that they not be introduced as our child from Ukraine, but just as our child.  None of the 8 of us is comfortable with being anything but a regular old family.  May God wrap His everlasting arms of protection and healing and utter joy around our regular old family, and may His Name be praised through our family as we continue to seek His direction for us.  We know He longs to carry us further still....

HOME SWEET HOME

We have officially been home for 13 days.  It has been nothing short of a whirlwind.  Our lives are so crazy right now that this weekend we are celebrating family Christmas.  On Valentine’s weekend.  Two days ago, as I was headed out the door to take the kids to their first day of school, Rod had to stop me and tell me my shirt was on backwards.  Yesterday, Nick’s teacher sent home information about his upcoming project.  I nearly cried.  At this point in the process, I am doing well to shower and brush my teeth on a daily basis.  More stuff that I am not making up.  It’s not just that we have 3 new kids in the house.  It’s stuff I didn’t even think about. Like yelling up the stairs “Time for dinner”, then realizing they don’t know what I am saying.  Or explaining for the umpteenth time that in America, we shower more than once a week.  And we put toilet paper in the potty instead of the garbage can.  And it’s ok to step on a spider in the house (they have the superstition that if you step on a spider in the house, you will lose all your money).  They are also flabbergasted that although I do not work outside the home now, Rod still shares money with me.  This has caused many questions.  Everything, and I mean everything, takes so much time.  So if you run into me at Target (who has time to stroll at The Avenue??) and I am wearing last week’s makeup or I call you by the wrong name or I wish you Happy Thanksgiving, just overlook it.  Each day we make new progress.  And each day, we mesh as a family a little bit more.  We have started school, and while it isn’t easy and much work needs to be done, they are courageous enough to step out each morning into a very uncomfortable and unfamiliar situation and try.  I can’t imagine how scary that must be.  Everything for them is new and different. “Family” is a brand new word for them.  They have never experienced having a Mom and Dad, a full pantry and refrigerator, their own clothes, riding bicycles, attending church regularly, having someone hug them good morning and good night, or someone to ask them about their day at school. Two out of three of them like school. Two out of three like church. None of them like that Americans are so loud.  None of them like to be in chaotic situations.  And none of them like that everyone is looking at them.  They feel “on display”.  Nonetheless, they are, for the most part, glad to be here.  If they could figure out a way to get rid of the new rules that they aren’t used to, life would be goodJ

I think it’s true for all of us that there are days we lose perspective of our purpose.  Sometimes, we are just trying to get through the never-ending demands of the day.  Today, God gave me fresh perspective.  He reminded me of His amazing, humbling, God-sized calling on our family’s lives.  He reminded me that I am the Mom to three kids who are wounded beyond words, who aren’t sure if we are safe or trustworthy yet, who are desperate for a family, and even more desperate for a Savior.  If that means that I sit and hold them and sing to them all day instead of catch up the laundry, so be it.  I am so grateful that God used the obedience of our good friend and Student Pastor to our boys to remind me today. I had about two free minutes to glance at Facebook.  I quickly scrolled through the posts and skipped past the complaints and rants and updates about last night’s dinner.  And then I stopped dead in my tracks. Tears flowed and my heart swelled as I looked at Matt’s picture from Kenya.  There he was, holding the frail hand of a sick lady and praying with this precious one.  She had just surrendered her life to the Lord.  Not to sound creepy, but I looked at that picture at least 10 times today.  I couldn’t let it go.  I don’t know her name, but I know that I am going to spend eternity with her.  All because one believer chose to carry the Savior’s Name to her.  He chose to meet her physical need of hunger and then meet her spiritual need.  He chose to go to the hard places this week.  It was inconvenient and tiring and uncomfortable.  Matt’s trip to Kenya was an act of worship.  To be honest, my prayer is that his obedience will fuel a passion within our student ministry to carry His Great Name into all the world.  Imagine what would happen if the passion went beyond student ministry, and parents began to be willing to go to the hard places.  And today, as I stared at that picture, I became so aware that that same opportunity exists in my home now.  So many physical and emotional needs must be met, so that we can begin to meet spiritual needs.  We’ve got to be willing to be inconvenienced.  Obedience is messy sometimes.  But so was the Cross. 

We’ve come a long way in just a few days, but boy do we have a long way to go.  AnnaBelle is beginning to learn to match her clothes (I started teaching her how to lay her outfits out in “pinterest style”. Not kidding). She is riding her new bike with training wheels and learning to help me cook. She has also learned to answer the telephone within 3 seconds of the first ring. Her English is getting better each day and several times she has asked me to stop using Russian words with her. She loves her teacher at school and making new friends. She hates bedtime.  Nick is thrilled with the opportunity to make new friends at school. He greets everyone each morning like he is running for political office. He learned to ride a bicycle in about 15 minutes.  He says American girls are “wow wow wow”.  He got his song flute at school yesterday and it was just a wonderful moment for him.  He screeched that blessed thing all afternoon.  He insists that I gel his hair every morning, and then he stands back and looks in the mirror and whistles at himself.  He also hates bedtime and struggles to believe that he is smart and wonderful.  Evan started school 3 days ago.  He was beyond thrilled at the opportunity to hang out with the soccer (futbol) team at school, and had me to “drive fast, Mozzer” to Dick’s after his first day to get him soccer cleats and shin guards.  He has learned to fish and is his happiest when he is not required to go anywhere and he can just fish.  Maybe he is a good ol Southern boy at heart.  He is daily picking up more English and is currently begging for a new big dog.  He wants a boxer named Jackie Chan.  He doesn’t mind bedtime. He hates getting up (just like his Mom). He hates being inside for any reason, and he loves that the ducks in the neighborhood pond now come eat out of his hand when he shows up.  Every day.  Jarrod, Logan, and Parker are, as always, utter joy to us.  All three have given me much needed advice throughout this journey when I couldn’t think for myself anymore.  They are Godly men with a passion to know Him and make Him known.  They are also very patient with their floundering mother and new siblings.  And Rod, he is the love of my life.  He is a selfless, courageous man who is willing to lay down his life and his rights and his time and his heart and his possessions.  Every woman should be so blessed.  He is a precious earthly father to our kids, always portraying an incredible picture of their much needed Heavenly Father.

To top it all off, it is starting to appear that I will indeed get to take a shower today.  Gotta hurry before there is a new “crisis”.  Please please please keep praying.

ARE WE DONE YET???

For real, this is my daily question… “Are we done yet?” Not with parenting. But with documents. And obeying an orphanage director’s ever-changing visiting schedule. And with a hotel room.  And with being away from home.  And with not having any Charmin (sometimes it’s the little things that send you right over the edge).  We are getting close, I tell you.  In just about 2 hours, Rod and Jarrod will be back here with me (YAY!!!!) to finalize our adoption.  We seriously think we could be home in less than 2 weeks.  Last night I asked the Lord once again for quickness and smoothness of the remainder of the process, because such an answer would mean that all 8 Smiths could be at Burnt Hickory Baptist Church together in just TWO Sundays!! If that were to happen, oh my word! Remember that time in Scripture in 2 Samuel when David was dancing before the Lord with all his might, and then Saul’s daughter got herself all in a lather over it, and then David said (2 Samuel 6:21b-22) “I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this…” Just a heads up…. THAT WILL BE ME!!!

BUT… I also remember that I asked the Lord for a release from the 10 day waiting period after court so we could get our kids out of the orphanage and home much sooner. That was not God’s plan. And, as I look back, I am so grateful.  Because sometimes the most growth and the most learning and the most surrender comes in the hardest days.  I needed to be still for awhile before we went home. I needed to stop the whirlwind of in-country process before the whirlwind of West Cobb living. I needed to hang out with my kids while not having any other responsibility but to hang out with my kids. I needed to look in Evan’s eyes a lot. Nicholas and AnnaBelle are not afraid to come to America. They have lived with us before. But Evan needed time.  He needed to ask a lot of questions and settle some things in his heart.  Not that he told me all that, but I saw it in his eyes because God did not answer my prayer to “hurry this thing up”.  SO, we will be home in God’s timing. And it will be utter perfection.

Which brings me to something I’ve wanted to say on all the blogs so far, but haven’t known quite how.  I just typed “Coming home will be utter perfection.”  No doubt.  But it will be utter perfection because it is utterly God’s plan for our family. Not because it has been easy. And certainly not because it will be easy at home.  We ALL have a whopper of a journey ahead of us.  Can I just re-emphasize for a minute that we do not want to paint the picture that adoption is easy.  We have some cute pictures (ok, the pics are beyond precious). We have some hilarious stories.  We are so so  humbled and thrilled.  We are hopelessly in love with our new kids.  But I want to be honest enough to say that the process is difficult in every way.  It is stressful and it is heart wrenching and it is invasive and it is time consuming and it is expensive and it is terrifying at times.  And that is before you ever get to the orphanage.  After that, every moment has to be surrendered to the Lord.  Then, we come home.  And we become a family to precious ones that have never had a family.  Ever. I struggle with being too honest because I long for more children to be adopted.  If you ever go to an orphanage, you will long for the same thing.  I desperately want for other believers to get up off the couch and go rescue these wounded little ones.  And then I struggle with painting nothing but a rosy picture, because I now know that adoption is for those whom God has called.  I will tell you that I do believe more are called than are answering.  Not to toot the Smith horn, because we should have done this a long time ago.  I have had to confess that to our oldest three kids.  As I watch them have such willing hearts to go to the “hard places” in ministry, and as I watch them participate in things such as Passion 2012, where students are laying down their lives for the cause of Christ, I am moved beyond words in my heart.  But here is the thing: Rod and I desperately want to be the ones leading our kids, not the other way around.  I don’t want my kids or their friends having to show me what a surrendered life looks like.  I want to be the example for them.  Psalms talks about “one generation declaring to the next”, not the other way around.  Rod and I want to “live out loud”.  And we want our kids too, as well.  And, again, it is not easy. Because I don’t know where God will call them.  But if I’m going to stand next to them in church and sing “Wherever He leads, I’ll go”, then I best better mean it. For us and for them. Preaching a sermon to myself here. Not y’all.

While here, I am reading “Sun Stand Still” by Steven Furtick.  Here is some of what I read…..

"You don't have to settle for the mundane. You can participate in the miraculous....You don't get to participate in a high calling without paying a high cost.... Effecting change in the world is rarely accidental. It's a result of intention and focus.... You will pay a tremendous price to operate in an audacious anointing. And the level of your impact will be directly proportional to the price you are willing to pay... When you ask God to do the impossible, He usually instructs you to do something uncomfortable. And inconvenient. Salvation is free. Obedience can be very costly."  How will God accomplish the impossible vision He has planted in your heart? By His grace -- and through your willingness to sacrifice your life for the sake of Jesus.... When you really understand God's work in you, your natural desire will be to surrender your life to Him.   And before God can do an impossible work in your world, you need to let Him do a deep work in your heart."

Wow.  Much work to do, Lisa Smith.  Much work to do.

WHATEVER IT TAKES

Before you are pregnant with your first child, you wonder how long it will take before you will really love that little one with all your being.  Then, the day comes when you discover that you are carrying that little one and you realize almost immediately that you are hopelessly in love.  Every parental emotion and thought and fierce protectiveness kicks in on behalf of your gift from God.  Just so you know, same with adoption.  Because God has known before I was ever thought of that I would be the adoptive Mom to my 3 new ones, He was wise enough and perfect enough and loving enough to prepare my heart IN ADVANCE.  I love all my kids like crazy, because He first loved me like crazy. In court, the judge asked me if I had plans to treat all my children the same.  Good question, I guess, but one that was seriously not needed.  Not because I’m “all that and a bag of chips”, but because of Jesus.  To borrow words from our new friend, Matt, that we met for about 15 minutes at our first court appointment “You may not have known it, but I am a miracle, too.  For God has brought a self-centered, prideful, piece of crap over to Ukraine to shower this boundless love I have received onto another.  I am the recipient.  I am the rescued.  I am the loved.  I am the adopted.”  God confirmed that “Mom-love” just yesterday when I was at the orphanage to pick up my kids for popcorn and cartoons.  One of the kids was moving a little slow at getting a coat and shoes, so an adult at the orphanage used a tone of voice with MY child that did not sit well with me.  I am telling you, my insides were immediately boiling.  I seriously thought about going totally Chuck Norris on her, but I feel like that would not have gone well at all.  I am so grateful that God had a grip on me at that moment.  I digressed only slightly when she left.  I told Roma, our translator, that that woman was in serious need of some chocolate.  Later, I realized that although I was not pleased that someone spoke to my child like that, it was the same feeling for my new child that I always got for my older three when someone did them wrong. (I used to imagine in my head all the things I would say as I marched onto the ball field every time an over-bearing coach spoke in a rude tone to one of my boys. I never did that, either.  I just imagined it.)  Same feeling yesterday.  Ugly feeling, but confirmation that God has given me a love and a protective fierceness for all of them.  Let that be fair warning to you…. Just kidding!! Sort of.

For the last 4 days, and for the next 7 days, I am in Ukraine by myself.  Well, not literally by myself.  All the Ukrainians are here, and our facilitator is here at the hotel, and I see my new kids every day.  But Rod and Jarrod have gone home to work.  Parker and Logan left the end of December.  Much of the time, I am alone.  Free to stream in to Passion 2012 and be a “part of” what Logan and Parker experienced this week.  Free to search Scripture without interruption.  Free to spend 2 hours at a time on Pinterest  if I want to.  Free to creep on all my Burnt Hickory students and former students on Facebook (yeah, I’m doing it).  Free to consider how to go about raising kids that have had no parenting at all.  Free to freak out after I consider how we are going to go about raising those kids.  Free to eat a second piece of Ukrainian chocolate without being judged or noticed.  Mostly, the hours and hours of silence are allowing me to soak in all that has happened in the last year.  Today, the kids and I looked at pictures from Christmas morning 2010.  I was reminiscing.  I seriously think the kids were just trying to get an idea of how much loot a Smith kid might get for Christmas.  A year ago, on Christmas morning, we had no idea what God had in store for us.  No idea that the next Christmas day would be spent in a tiny Ukrainian hotel room just waiting to receive a court date to adopt three more kids.  It makes me wonder where he longs to take us in the next year.  Will we be available?  Will the desire of our hearts be His Name and His renown? It’s the longing of my soul that wherever He leads, we will go.  John Piper said at Passion 2012 “I exist to put God’s infinite value on display.”  Am I living each day like that? Have I raised my oldest 3 to live like that?  Are they chasing ease and comfort, or Jesus? Living in West Cobb is such a sweet blessing, but I don’t want the suburbs to “kill my heart and soul” (shout out for all you Ben Rector fans).  I’m mulling over all of this stuff while I am alone.  They say hindsight is 20/20. So when you get a second litter of kids, you also have some hindsight, I think.  SO, in hindsight, Rod and I have come to some parental conclusions for our family.  For real, much of the time we still have no idea what we are doing, so this is not advice or lessons or a debate topic or anything.  It’s just Smith stuff:  1) Church is not optional.  It wasn’t with the first litter.  It won’t be this time, either. If you would like to eat and sleep at the Smith home, you are a part of the life of the church. Life Group, camps, mission trips, service opportunities, Wednesday nights, you name it. If you don’t feel comfortable or loved or accepted or entertained there, then hop up off your booty and go reach out and love someone else and comfort someone else and accept someone else at church.  Oh, golly, I almost started a sermon.  Sorry.  2) Do your best at everything you do, but you don’t have to be the best at everything you do.  Our love and pride in you has nothing to do with your performance.  3) Character is everything  4) First and second litter will always have hearts and minds and eyes that are carefully guarded until you are old enough to make such monumental decisions on your own. We will fight for your purity.  No apologies from us on that one. 5) You belong to Jesus, not us.  Easy preaching, but not easy living.  You exist for His glory, not ours.  If God calls you, and I am afraid, then I must deal with my fear on my knees.  May our fear never be the thing that holds you back from carrying His Name into all the world.  And next door.  6) Invite your friends over all the time.  Nothing more fun than a full, noisy dinner table.  A quiet house isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  We learned that the first time around.  Welp, that’s about it for right now.  No idea why I just blogged the stuff rolling around in my head.  That’s the very thing I was afraid I would do when I first started this thing.  As we parent Evan and Nick and AnnaBelle, the cry of my heart is that we will be willing enough and courageous enough to do “whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, to restore broken lives.” (Also stolen from Passion 2012). Thank you for standing with us.