“I sit here at the bar in the kitchen surrounded by papers to fill out, papers to make copies of, papers for the boys to fill out, papers to mail, papers to fax, papers for the US government, papers for the Ukrainian government. There is also the Macbook in front of me. Over a dozen emails sent to me in the past day. All of them need answering. One requires 2 lengthy biographical essays. One tells me that Parker’s fingerprints have not been received. One is information on the 10-hour online class Rod and I must take. All of the emails require more paperwork. There is also that email that confirms that none of the Smith family is on the sex offender list. Good news, indeedJ. And in the middle of all those emails and papers (which do NOT mix well at all with a Mom who has focus issues) are two emails that make me cry. They make me cry and laugh and remember why…. They are links to homecoming videos of other precious orphans. Other children whose parents long to carry them to the Savior.
That heart and that conviction and that leading of God are where Rod, Jarrod, Logan, Parker, and I are now. I long to record every moment of this sacred journey. I meant to start recording 3 weeks ago. My desire is to record so we never forget. My desire is to record so our children will know and never forget. My desire is to record so precious friends who are led by God down the same path can read and be encouraged. The recording will not be organized or “Type A” or on schedule. Because I am none of those things. It will be random, for sure. A song or a prayer or a Scripture or a thought from left field may pop up in the middle of something else. But that’s the way my brain goes. It’s the way my life goes. It’s how God has repeatedly spoken to me about this whole adoption thing anyway. Or at least that’s how I have heard Him….
Twenty some-odd years ago, my heart was stirred at the thought of adoption. So was Rod’s. His family had half-taken in Dai (from Vietnam) and my family had temporarily taken in several family members and friends who were down and out or needy or with Altzheimer’s or whatever. Opening our home to others has always seemed natural to Rod and me. When we were young marrieds, with small children, we read about the horrible conditions for baby girls in China. We were moved deeply. We read and we researched. We learned that to adopt there, lengthy stays in China were required. Not an option for us. Jarrod was in and out of the hospital and seeing a doctor every 3-4 days. We ordered a video on adopting from Guatemala because the in-country time was much shorter. Still, in the end, we decided we were just unable. But the stirring in our hearts never went away. As months turned into years, we never heard an “adoption story” without looking at each other with “that look”. It was the look the 2 of us always shared when we were totally on the same page about something and no one else in the room knew. Through all those years, we continued in and out of doctors and therapies and struggles and school battles. Those things seemed to maybe be God’s answer to us about adoption. So many times I wondered if maybe our heart for adoption was truly a gift from God to prepare us to be grandparents of adopted children. I still hang on to that oneJ. Then 2-3 years ago, while on vacation in Hilton Head, Rod and I had a chance to go out to dinner alone. Over pizza, the subject came up again. We both agreed that we felt it so strongly, but once again, we felt too old (ha ha – 3 years younger than we are nowJ). A year ago, The Blind Side came out. I curled up in a little ball and cried through the whole movie. Again, we were in Hilton Head for Parker’s spring break. We were in a den full of people and Jarrod had just broken his arm to bits and had surgery. Rod and I shared “that look” several times during the movie. Final straw????? I don’t know. Parker left for college, I read “Radical” by David Platt, our friends, Chris and Kim Forehand, adopted from Ethopia, Daniel and Heather Poe adopted and allowed us to be a part of every twist and turn, and all the while I felt like I was living purposeless days. Some days I just sat on the couch for hours. Not necessarily depressed. Just paralyzed.”
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